Whistling is a Ninja Attack on Victims’ Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Photo by Abolfazl eslami on Unsplash

I hate whistling.

I hate the breathless, off-key, piercing sound of John Lennon’s whistle. I hate the cheery vibrato of Eric Idle’s whistle. I don’t even care for an angry tea kettle.

The whole concept offends me. When someone whistles in a public place, I have to control my arm so it doesn’t shoot…